Muse-lings and write-down-itys

Sigh...

2009-08-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

Holding out for nothing,

because it is all that has been offered.

The constant wash of contentment,

purifies desire and defines treasure.

Darling Little Devil

2009-08-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

Potential is a Devil and a Darling

It gives sanity in times of waiting,

and hope in times of searching.

It gives patience in times of teaching,

and persistance in times of learning.

It plays us for a fool when expectations aren't met,

and discourages us when it is not found.

Drives us mad when ignored,

and disappears with ignorance.

Potentailly... I am not as crazy as people think, but far more broken

Potentially... starting and stoping things will equal emotional whiplash

Potentially... this could do wonders for my pray life.

It's a devil and a darling. Potentially....

For Rebekah...

2009-07-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

She usually floats across the wood,

So gentle and serene.

But tonight it's such a thunderous din,

It really sounds quite mean.

It's never her intent to saunter,

With such thump and womp.

But she's been drinkin', now she's doin',

The four-glasses of wine stomp.

I like Suspense

2009-07-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

Love's a game you've folded on, time and time again.

I want to be around you, when you tell love you're all in.

The creator has His work to do, to ready you for the fray.

I danced with you again, and fell a little more today.

But emotions are betraying, if not backed with solid thought.

And you may have made your mind up, about what is, and what is not.

Comparison is the Devils game, the winner is seldom prized.

Content with a checklist's results, is not wisdom realized.

Tonight I'm heavy hearted, because I know I don't compare.

But that's not even half a thought, to a God who is always there.

So I give it up, joyful knowing I can't do it.

I don't have to win, to faithfully pursue it.

It's a good thing I like suspense....

p.s. This isn't all I think of you, and I'm not claiming to be right.

I just had to write this down, so I could sleep tonight.

Embrace

2009-07-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

An embrace...who can define it?

It's scope is so wide.

No matter what the context,

It can be deep as the tide.

It can't be contained,

In script or in song.

It's loves handshake,

And friendships belong.

It may be hello,

It may be goodbye.

Needs no explaining.

or reasoning why.

Shoulder to shoulder,

Chest to Chest.

An embrace of a dear,

Is always the best.

An embrace is not merely a hug,

It's about with whom you cut lifes rug...

Dance with me?

Longing

2009-07-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Longing is odd, it comes and it goes

Where it finds sticking points, nobody knows

Without direction, longings just ache

But when it finds target, it's coals and a rake

It is reason and purpose, a mantle for dreams

Only airbrushed and candied, not all that it seems

It's not just about what is, it's about what could be

Sometimes its from longing, we long to be free

Pacing

2009-07-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

Unsure, troubled

Trying to figure out

What's the source of conflict

But there really is no doubt

That the pacing up and down

Has a source that rings true

And the pacings not for what I don't

But for what I do...

Galatians Haiku

2009-06-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

My own seed planted,

Not one fruit of the Holy Spirit,

Why am I surprised?

Enough

2009-04-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

Clamour and stammer to the next big sale,

Cheese puff jars as big as a whale.

Commercials are running from Coast to Coast,

To advise me of what I need the most.

The sight turns to like, then to want, then a need,

Contentment abolished by systemic greed.

Flyers and coupons promise savings galore,

Put it on credit and I can get more.

For stuff and for things I will misbehave,

Purchasing my master, becoming its slave.

"It's all not enough!" my decisions proclaim,

Is it any surprise I treat Jesus the same.

Gods Walking Club

2009-04-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

Its funny how we all have a deep seeded need for proximity. There is a vast difference in reading a book on a couch by your self, or reading one with someone next to you... be it a sibling, a spouse, or a friend...you don't event have to be reading WITH them... just next to you. In proximity to you. Feeling thier warmth and hearing their breath.

God knows about this. He built us this way, because He IS that way. He started the first walking club... with Adam and Eve in the Garden, every morning. He didn't have to... He is God and He is everywhere... He could have shown up as a giant floating head if He wanted to... He could see them at all times. So why would He walk with them every morning? Because he wants face time. He wants relationship.

That does not happen over the phone, or over the Internet, or in a text message...it face to face. Sure those things are useful tools and can help us connect, but it is not a replacement. So put your computer, your mobile, and your ipod down and be with some one... be it a friend, loved one, child or spouse (and chiefly, your maker)... just connect...its what God did with the first two of us...

thoughts?

Thoughts on thievery

2009-04-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

It is the fortunate man who is robbed in anonymity.

It is true torture to see your thief enjoy their spoils.

How must God feel, seeing us take our fill of what is His,

Without taking our fill of Him.

One Last Look

2009-04-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

A telling glance

Looking back after goodbye

Cannot tell a lie

The Process

2009-04-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

The process is long, and the process is hard,

Like chewing up asphalt yard by yard,

With plastic utensils on concrete food,

No place for a sorbet interlude.

Abandoning comfort in the here and the now,

Accepting the work without knowing the how.

They'll be no sign stating, 'You're almost done!'

No checkered flag finish to declare you've won.

Peace comes in inches, for working these miles,

Tears will be kidnapped, and ransomed for smiles.

The long and the hard is no short term deal,

So get out synthetic silverware, begin your bitter meal.

You'll be glad when you've finished, its the only way,

For God to inspect your plate, and declare 'Go out and play!'

Keys to the Kingdom

2009-03-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

I've lived in places with cardboard walls,

And yellow lines along cell block halls.

Once there was a time when there were keys in my pocket,

Now precious to me as a lovers locket.

But it's my third time getting out of the pen,

Is this the time I start collecting keys again?

Can I hope for a life with access and trust,

Or will barred windows mark this try a bust,

Keys are just tiny little pieces of steel,

Shaped to move a cryptic wheel.

But they mean that I have, and I can, and I do,

I can hardly trust me, so why should you?

So many keys to homes, cars & jobs,

But they're of no use to us homeless slobs.

Such a common item, there isn't much thought,

Until everyone else has, and you have not.

It's a mountain to climb, a dream to achieve,

But I can't do it myself, I need other to believe.

Sweet music would be keys jingling in my pocket,

Life is a betrayed lover, and keys, its locket.

Maybe this time....

Bruised Teeth

2009-03-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

I've chewed on this life a while, I have bruised teeth to prove it.

With one long painful scar I've made, and my effort to remove it.

The double of my toils, shows the double of my lack,

And the bills my life are charged with, seems an ever growing stack.

But I'm offered constant rescue, and I know that I'm in debt,

The life preservers out there, and I know I've grabbed on, yet...

I'm still thrashing in the bedlam, because I cherish my own way.

And who can teach a panicked soul, to rest and wait and pray.

I should really hold on tighter, to the rescuers belay,

And drown panic with patience, and begin another day...

I Hope

2009-03-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

I hope, I hope, says the whining dope

If I don't get my way, then get me a rope!

It seems hopes scope, is something that's free,

To be utterly deifined, by something in me.

But hopes design, since mans first fall,

Is that hope without Christ, has no hope at all.

Oceans of empty, just an oath on an ache,

To a selfish, greedy, lying, blinded soul on the take.

Hoping for what I want, never satisfied wanting,

Or soothed the pang of the ghost that's haunting.

Hoping for what God wants, is a hope that can fulfill

I hope I learn to open ears, shut mouth, and just sit still.

Fallen Haiku

2009-03-18T03:11:00.000-07:00

Eve chose the apple

Adam should have run away

Man I hate raking

An Honest Beating

2009-03-03T19:56:00.000-08:00

Thieves keep taking

Cheaters keep cheating,

It the honest one

Who takes the beating.

But, ah here's the rub

It's the proud mans snub,

To think he is better

When he's really a grub.

Yes, I am guilty of pride

I am the one who has lied,

A betrayers betrayal

On the front and the side.

So how do I stop

And come out on top,

When the seeds of my trespass

Sow a bumper crop.

What I could be giving,

Christ life in me living.

Peace dreams possibility...

Conundrum of Possibilities

2009-02-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

Clouds have cleared, Starting to feel free,

Held back by a conundrum of possibility.

What is coming next, without a well laid plan,

Can shake the very bones of a thoughtful man.

And a carefully planned out 'come what may',

Can birth many an exciting day.

But possible to a greedy soul,

may leave one in a self-dug hole

So what are the rules of my future glance,

Destiny, Divinity, brute luck, or chance.

With first nod to a Maker, time and task are His,

Put petal to prayer, and get on with your biz...

Divided by Me

2009-02-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

My life is a mess, complicated by disaster,

Which I ever-foolishly try to master.

Emotional shrapnel from hidden mines,

Dig into my heart with their pointy little tines.

It's seventeen problem, packed into three,

Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

It's a busy day of nearly working,

Compounded by what might be lurking.

Turning a corner, hoping to see straight,

Twists and turns are another weight.

Searching for gems with a cost of free,

Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

Where is all this madness headed?

The answer is the thing most dreaded.

Translating the rules of spirituality,

Into the walking rulebook of me.

A resounding failuresque cacophony,

Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

The Sea

2009-02-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

Disappointment is always the Sea,

that drowns dreams into reality.

Wake up and realize what's really there,

and be okay that dreams don't care.

Even favorites are impaired,

when they are not able to be shared.

Vulnerability's pain has its reward,

just ask the Lord

2009-02-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I'm sinking fast but my legs are still kicking, each breath may be my last..

my arms beating the water in vain, sinking fast

Red and white my rescue comes flying, meant to save me from dying...

but I don't need it, I can make it! I turn away and beat the waves harder and faster

and ever in vain all my effort and strain.

torrents beating down, waves crashing over me, wishing my feet could touch the bottom.

I've fought my rescuer... tossed the life preserver back, ever believing my strength is enough.

I'm sure if I keep trying I'll teach myself how to swim,

I can get to safety on my own, or at least tread water...

Bootstraps pulled and lungs are burning their last, surely I am better off for all my struggling,

But I am further now from safety than ever, And here comes my rescue again..

How do you know I can't make it?! (as my lungs fill up with H2O)

How can you say I won't reach the shore?!! (with no shore in sight)

How do you know the storm is stronger than me!!!(you think you know me, know my limits?)

and I'm not sure If I swam away of if you just backed off... but now...

now my lungs are frozen stiff and my arms and legs are paused,

and I'm too proud to raise my hands for help... well...

I didn't make this storm! these aren't MY waves! I had no idea what undertow was (till now).

surrender... surrender...

now I realize I won't make it, I rue my arrogance but it's all I have left now.

I am too ashamed to cry out, or look up,

too weary and ashamed to lift an arm in hope of rescue.... why would you help me now?

are you even still out here? If I call will you answer and will you really save?

I need to be rescued!!! I have cement shoes and I am doomed!!!

but how do I call you? How do you rescue? What is it I have to do?

How far do my arms have to stretch? What was that prayer they prayed in Sunday school?

Surrender... Surrender....

I open my eyes and the storm is gone, and all I see is you, I am shocked and still gasping and reaching but with some relief that you are in sight.

You hold me and I am safe, I rest and I embrace...

but then I hear the roar of the waves and you TOSS ME BACK!!!

NO, take me back, I want to rest, I'm tired, and I want you to do it for me.

You smile and say son, you are on my swim team now... just swim...press on...

you'll get to shore... I own the waves... and I hold more power the the oceans.

You are on MY team, and you are safe.

SURRENDER

So swim for shore and take as many as you find with you, I am on your side... I am FOR you...

I start to swim and I realize I am not sinking!! I surrender to my task and I head for shore...

listening for frozen lungs, resistant gasps and hands half raised in defiant defeat

(I know all too well what they sound like and look like)

A deep breath and a smile and I paddle away.... (He is clearing a path)

Stroke by stroke until my dying day... (He is cheering me on)

I swim in sweet surrender.

A Cacophony of Failure

2009-01-26T18:03:00.000-08:00

The one with the money said life just ain't funny,

Without the ability to aford.

30 pieces down the road, wasn't such a heavy load,

To betray his Saviour and Lord.

Do you love me? times 3, Yes you know I love thee

Said the fisherman with the sword in it's sheath.

You'll deny me... alot, Oh no I will Not!

But the rooster confrimed disbelief.

I've got you you worm, insignificant germ!

I can't believe that you say your the... who?!

But in darkness was vexed, in the temple perplexed,

As the veil was torn in two.

Sentence Him to die, and don't ask us why,

but "Innocent" the courtly news.

Ceasars our King, we'll kiss his ring,

Okay.. heres you "King of the Jews.

So you wouldn't bow? Well, I've got you now!

You can bet I'll do as I please.

This is gonna be GREAT! Let me first lock the gate,

Hang on a sec, where are my keys?

Blood sweat and tears, aren't asuaging these fears,

not my will but your way.

Pride, money, regret, I'm not done just yet,

I'll see you again in three days!

If I was a car, I wouldn't get myself far,

If I tried to drive on my own.

Heading my own way, has led me to say

My life is really on loan.

My side of the Bed

2008-12-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

The gavel has been struck, the Judges ink is dry.

So many questions that start with why.

The tear ducts are dry, and the lawyers been paid,

I say I don't miss you but I wish you'd stayed.

I make myself numb to emotions half dead,

But I still sleep on my side of the bed.

I haven't gone anywhere without you yet,

Sometimes I think the worst of me is the best I can get.

I feel like a fool, I'm my own biggest liar,

All our vows and promises are ashes in a fire.

Self pity doesn't pay the bills, it doesn't even cover rent,

Desire is a sinkhole, you heart is what gets lent.

That's right, a sink hole... gaping, hungry, cold.

It takes the length right out of time and leaves you feeling old.

How do I get it in reverse, and back up my mistakes,

When my mind is full of recipies for divorce celebration cakes?

There are two minds within me, they fight, they war they win.

When the cross is my only view, is when healing begins.

Yield

2008-09-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

Ends can be beginnings, thats what some say,

The end of one thing means, I took off my ring today.

And what does that mean in the greater scheme of things,

Making and breaking promises, and the removal of rings.

Is it okay to feel freedom, rest and relief?

And how do I let go of regret, sorrow and grief?

Questions are easy, its the answers that seem hard

To a lying greedy soul, they're a fenced in yard.

Double-Sided Coin

2008-08-26T02:58:00.000-07:00

Delay does not calm fears,

It grows anxiety.

However pious your intentions,

The result is never piety.

Broken is as broken does,

I am broken inside out.

Rusty thoughts and an oiled tongue,

Carries little clout.

So where does love fit into things,

If seeing is believing?

Being gotten... then forgotten,

And watching the getter leaving.

So why the double-sided coin?

A story ends one way.

No matter who leaves, or where they've gone,

Christ is the one who'll stay.

Skewed

2008-08-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

The views of the slighted, have always been slanted,

The proof of the claim is the orchard that's planted.

Time and pride are needed to skew,

The straightest and narrowest view.

And the shoulder-sprites love to dangle,

Having your way from some new angle.

So how do you know your view is true,

When the biggest liar you know is you.

Arrogance... ignorance or a roll of the dice?

Or... you could just ask for advice.

Appetite for Forgiveness

2008-08-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

If you really want it, it is always there,

You have to believe it enough to give it away.

You have to be willing to let go of excuses,

You have to be willing to let someone else pay.

You have to realize who's really been wronged,

Accept His justice on others and on you.

You have to embrace the release,

As something you say and something you do.

Hungry?

Me, Myself and I AM

2008-08-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Lonely, lonely, woe is me,

For some, bondage... others free.

Sometimes, silence is din,

Others, its were thoughts begin.

Alone time and me time... they aren't the same,

One is selected the other is lame.

How to be lonely if never forsaken,

You cannot have tasted, what you have not partaken.

Always there? I can't touch it or taste it.

Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean you can't waste it!

So what can I do, in my time with just I?

Realizing "by myself" is really a lie.

Alone but not lonely, faith is the key,

When belief grow eyes, then you'll see...

Not In Heaven

2008-08-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

Pearl gates, golden roads and amps that go to eleven,

A room in the mansion, and things in lots of seven.

No tissues or Q-tips or diaper rash cream,

No receipts, or coupons or opposing team.

No contracts, or cataracts or strange competitions,

No alarm clocks or time cards or late submissions.

No death, no credit cards, no crap to the gills,

Just the constant of the Son on our window sills.

No tuning or warm ups, just praising and singing,

Every note in harmony ringing.

I cannot imagine what heaven will be,

From ourselves and this world we'll be free.

Pearl gates, gold roads... amps that go to eleven,

No butt-holes or bellybuttons in Heaven.

I Was Made

2008-08-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

I wasn't made to grow old,

I was made for seasons untold.

I wasn't created for running away,

I was made for morning walks each day.

I wasn't designed for plowing and weeding,

I was made for looking up and needing

I wasn't made for sinning, or bearing it's weight

I was made to reflect He who is great.

I wasn't made to keep my maker at bay,

Good thing eternity's just a last breath away.

The Hardest Part of Waiting

2008-08-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

The hardest part of waiting,

Is the work of not hating,

And my prayers aren't making a sound.

Worn out an haggard,

Back is be-daggered,

But you want one more round.

So fill up the glass,

And give it a pass,

I'll empty before it's set down.

The gates your decision,

Still locked by derision,

One foot in the safe side of town.

The freedom you seek,

Is pricey, so to speak,

The cost is the peace (piece?) of your soul.

All the burning inside,

Could be quenched by the tide.

He is all you need to be whole.

Won't you join me at His table?

Me?

2008-08-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

I think I need some clarity,

On this thing called self aware-ity

It seems there is oblivity,

To the real me.

My self mirrored perception,

Is really just deception.

And it's all relative,

Unless you're talkative.

Then your just a cartoon,

A living caricature buffoon.

Oh.... I'm entertaining,

Until I am annoying.

Then secret clock-glances,

And impatient stances...

... I guess I'll shut up now.

Sleep - Part 2

2008-08-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

How do you sleep?

There is no rhythm or rhyme,

It's one pill at a time.

It's something distilled,

Sweetened and chilled.

How do you sleep?

Eyes shut tight still knowing,

Wrath's light is still glowing.

The morning brews already started,

What wasn't together cannot be parted

How do you sleep?

Always yawning, rest awaiting,

With my mate but never mating.

Gears are grinding,

Mind replaying, rewinding.

How do you sleep?

Now I lay me down to sleep,

Confessions of a careless creep.

To my knees I leap,

Broken heart is let to weep.

This is how I sleep.

Sleep - Part 1

2008-08-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

How did he sleep?

In the dark, in the dank,

In the muck and the stank.

Stale air is parted with a sigh,

Without reverence to what draws night

How did he sleep?

On a cloak and a coat,

A ball and chain was his tote.

The bunkmates a sleeper,

And also his keeper.

How did he sleep?

Angelic hands touch side,

Nudge... kick... eyes open wide.

Gather and go... am I awake?

Outer gate slams... JAILBREAK!

How did he sleep?

Much ado, much ado,

Said the whole crew.

But the kneeling man said,

You are touched in the head.

How did he SLEEP?.

Thoughts on Desire

2008-08-01T02:58:00.000-07:00

The dog says I'm starving,

Feed me, feed me.

If I starve, I'll die,

You know you need me.

If you don't feed me,

I'll wane, I'll be dead.

I'm as fat as I am,

'Cause you've fed, fed, fed

I don't care!

I just want to be sated.

I don't care what it is,

Or if it's been plated.

So pony up and feed me,

It's everywhere to be found.

It's on a silver platter,

And it's lying on the ground.

C'MON, I'm hungry!

Treat me like you care.

If I starve, I'll be too weak,

To let you know I'm there.

And if that's what you want,

That's fine, you'll see.

I'll always be that skinny dog,

begging, feed me... feed me...

Resurrection is Just a Death Away.

2008-07-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

We all want a miracle, but will avoid tragedy at any cost,

We all want to find our way, but won't admit were lost.

We all want to be included, but won't go through the gate,

We all want the rest, but won't lay with our eternal mate.

We all want the healing, but can't admit we're ill,

We all want to hear God, but we won't sit still.

We all need the life guard, but hide the fact we can't float,

We all want a love letter, but we won't read what He wrote.

We all want the change, but are unwilling to repent,

We all want release, but refuse to relent.

We all want the life, but we are unwilling to slay,

Beloved, your resurrection is just a death away.

Fade to Tan

2008-07-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

I do has turned to I'm done,

I guess I just wasn't the one.

The little one will just have to deal

Cause you can't live with how you feel.

You said yes with your heart believing,

That faith is gone, now you are leaving.

I've prayed, cried, and done what I can,

The white line fades to tan.