Conundrum of Possibilities

Clouds have cleared,  Starting to feel free,

 Held back by a conundrum of possibility.

What is coming next, without a well laid plan,

 Can shake the very bones of a thoughtful man.

And a carefully planned out  'come what may',

 Can birth many an exciting day.

But possible to a greedy soul,

 may leave one in a self-dug hole

So what are the rules of my future glance,

 Destiny, Divinity, brute luck, or chance.

With first nod to a Maker, time and task are His,

 Put petal to prayer, and get on with your biz...

Divided by Me

My life is a mess, complicated by disaster,

 Which I ever-foolishly try to master.

Emotional shrapnel from hidden mines,

 Dig into my heart with their pointy little tines.  

It's seventeen problem, packed into three,

 Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

It's a busy day of nearly working,

 Compounded by what might be lurking.

Turning a corner, hoping to see straight,

 Twists and turns are another weight.

Searching for gems with a cost of free,

 Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

Where is all this madness headed?

 The answer is the thing most dreaded.

Translating the rules of spirituality,

 Into the walking rulebook of me.

A resounding failuresque cacophony,

 Multiplied by life, and divided by me.

The Sea

Disappointment is always the Sea,

 that drowns dreams into reality.

Wake up and realize what's really there,

and be okay that dreams don't care.

Even favorites are impaired,

 when they are not able to be shared.

Vulnerability's pain has its reward,

 just ask the Lord

I'm sinking fast but my legs are still kicking, each breath may be my last..

  my arms beating the water in vain, sinking fast

Red and white my rescue comes flying, meant to save me from dying...

  but I don't need it, I can make it!  I turn away and beat the waves harder and faster

and ever in vain all my effort and strain.

torrents beating down, waves crashing over me, wishing my feet could touch the bottom.

I've fought my rescuer... tossed the life preserver back, ever believing my strength is enough.

 I'm sure if I keep trying I'll teach myself how to swim,

I can get to safety on my own, or at least tread water...

Bootstraps pulled and lungs are burning their last,  surely I am better off for all my struggling,

 But I am further now from safety than ever, And here comes my rescue again..

How do you know I can't make it?! (as my lungs fill up with H2O)

 How can you say I won't reach the shore?!! (with no shore in sight)

How do you know the storm is stronger than me!!!(you think you know me, know my limits?)

 and I'm not sure If I swam away of if you just backed off... but now...

now my lungs are frozen stiff and my arms and legs are paused,

  and I'm too proud to raise my hands for help... well...

I didn't make this storm! these aren't MY waves! I had no idea what undertow was (till now).

surrender... surrender...

now I realize I won't make it, I rue my arrogance but it's all I have left now.

 I am too ashamed to cry out, or look up, 

too weary and ashamed  to lift an arm in hope of rescue.... why would you help me now? 

 are you even still out here? If I call will you answer and will you really save?

I need to be rescued!!! I have cement shoes and I am doomed!!!

but how do I call you? How do you rescue?  What is it I have to do?  

How far do my arms have to stretch?  What was that prayer they prayed in Sunday school?

Surrender... Surrender....

I open my eyes and the storm is gone, and all I see is you, I am shocked and still gasping and reaching but with some relief that you are in sight. 

You hold me and I am safe, I rest and I embrace...

 but then I hear the roar of the waves and you TOSS ME BACK!!!

NO, take me back, I want to rest, I'm tired, and I want you to do it for me.

 You smile and say son, you are on my swim team now... just swim...press on... 

you'll get to shore... I own the waves... and I hold more power the the oceans.

You are on MY team, and you are safe.

SURRENDER

So swim for shore and take as many as you find with you,  I am on your side... I am FOR you...

 I start to swim and I realize I am not sinking!! I surrender to my task and I head for shore...

listening for frozen lungs, resistant gasps and hands half raised in defiant defeat

 (I know all too well what they sound like and look like)

A deep breath and a smile and I paddle away.... (He is clearing a path)

 Stroke by stroke until my dying day... (He is cheering me on)

I swim in sweet surrender.

A Cacophony of Failure

The one with the money said life just ain't funny,

  Without the ability to aford.

30 pieces down the road, wasn't such a heavy load,

  To betray his Saviour and Lord.

Do you love me? times 3, Yes you know I love thee

  Said the fisherman with the sword in it's sheath.

You'll deny me... alot,  Oh no I will Not!

  But the rooster confrimed disbelief.

I've got you you worm, insignificant germ!

  I can't believe that you say your the... who?!

But in darkness was vexed, in the temple perplexed,

  As the veil was torn in two.

Sentence Him to die, and don't ask us why,

  but "Innocent" the courtly news.

Ceasars our King, we'll kiss his ring,

  Okay.. heres you "King of the Jews.

So you wouldn't bow?  Well, I've got you now!

  You can bet I'll do as I please.

This is gonna be GREAT!  Let me first lock the gate,

  Hang on a sec, where are my keys?

Blood sweat and tears, aren't asuaging these fears,

  not my will but your way.

Pride, money, regret, I'm not done just yet,

  I'll see you again in three days!

If I was a car, I wouldn't get myself far,

  If I tried to drive on my own.

Heading my own way, has led me to say

  My life is really on loan. 

My side of the Bed

The gavel has been struck, the Judges ink is dry.

  So many questions that start with why.

The tear ducts are dry, and the lawyers been paid,

  I say I don't miss you but I wish you'd stayed.

I make myself numb to emotions half dead,

  But I still sleep on my side of the bed.

I haven't gone anywhere without you yet,

  Sometimes I think the worst of me is the best I can get.

I feel like a fool, I'm my own biggest liar,

  All our vows and promises are ashes in a fire.

Self pity doesn't pay the bills, it doesn't even cover rent,

  Desire is a sinkhole, you heart is what gets lent.

That's right, a sink hole... gaping, hungry, cold.

   It takes the length right out of time and leaves you feeling old.

How do I get it in reverse, and back up my mistakes,

  When my mind is full of recipies for divorce celebration cakes?

There are two minds within me, they fight, they war they win.

  When the cross is my only view, is when healing begins.

Yield

Ends can be beginnings,  thats what some say,

  The end of one thing means, I took off my ring today.

And what does that mean in the greater scheme of things, 

  Making and breaking promises, and the removal of rings.

Is it okay to feel freedom, rest and relief?

  And how do I let go of regret, sorrow and grief?

Questions are easy, its the answers that seem hard

  To a lying greedy soul, they're a fenced in yard.